If Miyamoto Went Indie …

Wired reports that legendary video game developer Shigeru Miyamoto is stepping down from his role at Nintendo overseeing the company’s large video game projects. Miyamoto, who was behind some of the biggest video game franchises including The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros., Star Fox, Pikmin, Donkey Kong and Nintendogs, says he wants to work on smaller projects with shorter timespans. This led many Twitter adherents to comment that Miyamoto was going “indie”, joining the ranks of self-funded, hipster game developers. i took the concept and ran with it in this Twitter hash tag game.

Link in the Graveyard

  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Link would just … you know … wander around. No enemies, no struggle … just piano.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Every game stars Luigi.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Mario would walk RIGHT to LEFT. Doesn’t that BLOW your MIND??
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d crash on someone’s couch at #GDC, lobby-surf for the first few days, and only spring for an Expo pass.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie The smashable barrels in Donkey Kong would be labeled “hope”, “ambition”, “faith” and “mother”.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie After your first crash in ExciteBike, the rest of the game would be about your slow, painful road to rehabilitation.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie A Star Fox game would last five minutes, and involve a sub-plot about a stillborn son.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Ocarina of Time would pale in comparison to the series’ crown jewel, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d be making this really awesome MMO but, you know – it’s not ready yet.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d make a twin-stick tower defense platformer for XBLiG using copyrighted spritesheets from an old Genesis import.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d show upto #IndieCade and give a meandering talk using words he remembered from his first-year Psych class.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Kid Icarus would say “fuck” a lot.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d accept his #IGF award by French-kissing Cactus and kicking over an amp on his way off the stage.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie The hookshot would be a metaphor for how we all need to cling to something.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Nintendogs would be essentially the same, except you could REVERSE TIME.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d release Stage Debut, and it would sweep the #IGF.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Samus Aran would take off her codpiece and reveal that she’s a DUDE.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Mario Extreme Unicycling.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Mario Power Hackey Sack.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d spent most of his afternoons in the “Mushroom Kingdom”.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie You’d be able to fly one beta mission in Starfox, and he’d charge twenty bucks for it. And then make 4 million dollars.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d give you naming rights to the monkey at the top of the level if you bid more than $1000 on Kickstarter.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Every Zelda game ever made would show up in a Steam sale for a dollar nintey-five.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie You’d take Super Mario down into a water level from which you’d never be able to escape.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie He’d grow his hair out, take up smoking, and start calling himself “the Moto.” But, you know. Whatever.
  • #ifMiyamotoWentIndie Plaid goombas.

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