Porn, In A Nutshell

i’ve been doing some spring cleaning on my laptop, and have come across a number of half-baked blog ideas. i thought i’d just throw this one up on the weekend. It has nothing really to do with Untold Entertainment’s bidness, but it’s good for a giggle.

The PenIs Mightiter

“Who writes the plot for porno movies?” Nobody cares. That’s an old joke anyway. People who produce pornography obviously put a lot of unnecessary energy into their “craft”. i’m more interested in the people who don’t work in porn, yet have to somehow dignify pornographer’s efforts within a more respectable framework.

To be more specific, i noticed in passing (in PASSING!) that the adult titles in the pay-per-view listings all had plot synopses written for them. Forget the guy who has to write the plots for porno (he’s also the lead cameraman, and the horny mechanic from Act III). i want to know what poor schlub working at Rogers head office has to write the SYNOPSES of those already paper-thin plots – and partciularly in cases where the movies have no plots. i mean, how do you summarize a movie that’s just an hour of straight-up porking?

Here’s a selection of adult movies and their synopses from Rogers Pay-Per-View. One interesting thing to note is that while the movie titles are completely crass, the synopses are as (needlessly) puritan as they possibly can be.

5 Raunchy Rock Tails

Groupies give rock stars a backstage pass to their bodies.

5 Horny Blondes

Fair-haired beauties (Monique Alexander, Alexis Malone, Gen Padova) entertain randy men.

A Train 4

Hardcore harlots ride the rails to backdoor ecstasy.

American Cream Pie 2

Gorgeous women prefer sexy threesomes.

An American in Prague

Wild men enjoy intimate moments.

Anally Yours … Love, Rebeca Linares

Hot young women crave carnal encounters.

Asian Beavers

Exotic harlots find plenty of wood to devour.

Ass Deep 2

Juicy strumpets (Sandra Romain, Trina Michaels, Isabel Ice) take the plunge through the backdoor.

Juicy strumpet

Hey – check out the sweater meat on THAT juicy strumpet!

4 thoughts on “Porn, In A Nutshell

  1. Rob Anderson

    I wonder if it the same person who writes all the synopsis? Sometimes they might get confused as to what program they are writing for. Case in point, years ago I remember reading a plot synopsis for Star Trek, Amok Time. “In a mad mating frenzy, Spock injures Kirk”. I am not making that up.

    Reply

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