Netflix Slouches Toward Canada to be Born

It never used to be this way. Canada, the friendly and primarily Englsih-speaking neighbour to the North of the USA, used to get all the same stuff that they got stateside, at roughly the same time. Movies would be released on the same weekend, Canadian stations would broadcast big teevee shows on the same night, and all was right with the world.

The Beachcombers

If it weren’t for American teevee, we’d be stuck watching The Beachcombers.

Lately, though, this wonderful system has been falling apart. It became personal when the hotly-anticipated video game Rock Band was delayed a number of months in Canada – ostensibly so that the company could produce the bilingual French and English print materials. (i never bought that excuse … the game was published by EA, who have had ample experience writing French and English game manuals over the years). CTV, the primary Canadian carrier of American teevee for the masses, started pre-empting and re-scheduling certain top-tier shows like LOST, because they’d ordered hit shows from two competing American networks. Geo-blocking is rampant; Canadians can’t access Comedy Central, we can’t watch Hulu, and we don’t have TiVO. And the biggest cultural carrot that’s been dangled in front of our noses for years has been Netflix.

Netflix Canada

Netflix: its coming was prophesied.

Netflix is a video rental service that charges a flat monthly fee, and provides subscribers access to a library of DVDs. More recently, they’ve added a video streaming service. As this service has been rolled out to numerous gadgets and gizmos that we Canadians own (iPods/iPhones, Xbox 360’s, PS3’s, Wiis), and the Yanks have made a huge fuss over it, we’ve been positively salivating at the prospect of the service coming to the Great White North.

Well, Netflix is here now. And what do we have, after the long wait? Imagine if, for just eight dollars, you could watch any movie – ANY MOVIE YOU WANTED – from that discount DVD bin next to the cash register at Home Hardware. ANY MOVIE. You’d just have to pay Rogers or Bell the extra fifty bucks a month to increase your bandwidth cap, and this world of Earthly pleasures would open up to you.

Ice Twisters

Ice Twisters: just one of the New Arrivals you can enjoy with your new Netflix Canada membership. It’s about tornadoes that are made of ice. According to the synopsis, they “precipitate nothing but trouble.” i didn’t write that.

Supreme Netdown

i haven’t counted the number of movies on the Netflix Canada service, but i think it’s roughly twelve. Twelve movies, and i’ve already seen three of them. The movies are grouped into pretty granular categories, with a LOT of repeats between genre listings. Let’s take a look at the Netflix Canada offering of “Classic Sci-Fi & Fantasy” movies. But before we do, quick: what are the top ten Classic Sci Fi & Fantasy movies that come to your mind? i hope you could name ten, because Netflix Canada only offers seven. Seven movies. And classic, they ain’t:

  • Mad Max (no Road Warrior, no Beyond Thunderdome)
  • Godzilla’s Revenge (no original Godzilla, which has an IMDB rating of 7.3, to Revenge‘s 4.0)
  • Ghidora: The Three Headed Monster (i’m no monster movie fan, but where’s Gamera? Mothra?)
  • Fahrenheit 451
  • Silent Running
  • Red Planet Mars
  • King of the Rocket Men

Did you perhaps think of Metropolis, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or THEM? Or did you conjure up more recent classics like Blade Runner, Alien, Willow, The Abyss, or Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Well tough nuts. They don’t have ’em.

BONUS: Can i get an American subscriber to list the movies in this category on American Stream Instantly Netflix? Kthx.

The Last Starfighter

The “Classic” moniker is admittedly subjective. i was hoping for an education in science fiction film. Instead, i searched in vain to find that they didn’t carry TRON, The Last Starfighter, Flight of the Navigator, Explorers, or SpaceCamp.

The Hits Just Keep On Failing to Come

Netflix Canada’s twenty-two selections in the pure “Fantasy” section include stinkers like The Golden Child, Bewtiched (the Will Ferrell bomb), Cool World (??), and the Uwe Boll schlockbuster In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.

“Cult Comedies” (thirteen movies in total) has a few decent picks like The ‘Burbs, Being John Malkovich and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but really stretches the category with Teen Wolf (which is also inexplicably found in “Teen Horror”) and Big Top Pee Wee. No Election, no Rushmore, no Living in Oblivion, Ghost World, The Big Lebowski, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Heathers, Very Bad Things, or any other cult comedy I can think of.

(You’ll find Jeff Dunham and Joe Rogan in the Stand-up Comedy section, incidentally, which also stretches the genre category beyond its reasonable limits)

Netflix Canada Comedy New Arrivals

Yay! Look what’s just arrived in Comedy. i think i’ve only heard of TWO of those movies, and i rather wish i hadn’t.

Flame On

i’ve complained about it a bunch on Twitter, so i think i should just post this last rant and shaddup about it. Here goes: Netflix Canada perfectly recreates the depressing feeling you get when you go to a Blockbuster Video store closing to buy some discounted DVDs and the place has been picked over, and all that’s left are twelve copies of Jim Carrey’s The Number 23. You try to convince yourself that your wife will really like the romcom Picture Perfect (starring Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Bacon), or that $6.99 is a small price to pay for all the fun your kids will have watching the animated feature film The Missing Lynx, with the voice talents of … no, seriously – WTF? The Missing Lynx? What the hell is that? MetaCritic and Rotten Tomatoes don’t even have entries for it, and the IMDB folks put it at a 5.6. Based on my viewing preferences (i spent an hour or so rating movies on the Netflix site – movies that Netflix Canada doesn’t even have in its library), Netflix itself thinks that i’ll rate The Missing Lynx at about a 2.4/5.

The Missing Lynx

Remember when this came out in theatres OR went straight to video? Neither do i.

My American friends to the South speak of a land flowing with milk and honey – of a Netflix that has absolutely everything you could ever want to watch, streamed to every digital device you own short of your pocket watch. Now either the Yanks have a peculiar predilection for bargain bin trash, or we hosers are, once again, gettin’ hosed.

12 thoughts on “Netflix Slouches Toward Canada to be Born

  1. Fiz

    I share your pain, my friend. Although, my reason for not wanting to renew my free trial is mainly because of another major problem we have up here in our home and native land. Bandwith capping. I don’t have the fastest Internet connection, so Rogers feels they are allowed to punish me for it. No unlimited bandwith, no Netflix. Not that I would have been bothered to keep going with it anyway. Lord knows I don’t watch many movies at home, let alone the crap they have on there right now. :-S

    Reply
    1. Ryan Henson Creighton

      Where in Canadaland are you? i took it for granted that the Rogers Expensive Unlimited Plan was available nation-wide.

      Reply
        1. Ryan Henson Creighton

          i went over my badnwidth cap this month, and Rogers started dinging me $2 per MB or something crazy like that. But they assured me that my overage costs were capped at $50. So … unless i’m doomed, sounds like $100/mo buys you unlimited bandwidth, no? (i’m in downtown TO, but i think my service comes from Markham)

          Reply
          1. Chris Harshman

            If is an it isn’t, if you continuely abuse overage charges rogers could decide to drop you, also if you have been a rogers customer since before 2008 there is no limit to how much they will charge you, you mostly likley will not find that out through a CSR.

            Rogers is not all bad, when they changed there plans in January in prep for netflix I got grandfathered in so I have 15mbs and 95GB cap.

          2. Fiz

            I used to have Rogers Ultra Lite, which up until a couple of months ago was grandfathered at 60 GB. Then they decided to give all grandfathered Ultra Lite accounts the normal 2 GB limit. We promptly called Rogers and they set us up with the next tier up (Lite) which has a 25 GB limit, for one year at a few bucks cheaper than what we were paying for with Ultra Lite. Under normal circumstances I use about 7 GB a month, so I’m still way under, but if I were to ever seriously consider using Netflix, I would be in trouble.

            I wonder how Rogers On Demand plans to compete with Netflix.

          3. Chris Harshman

            It seems like Rogers on Demand will have no trouble competing with Netflix at this stage, but if Netflix picks up the pace and brings in Tv Shows and better more popular movies it will have a hard time.

  2. phil

    Here are the 61 Watch Instantly movies in the Classic Sci-Fi & Fantasy category:
    4D Man
    20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
    Aelita, Queen of Mars
    The Angry Red Planet
    The Astro Zombies
    Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops
    Attack of the Puppet People
    Battle Beyond the Sun
    The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms
    The Beast with a Million Eyes
    Blithe Spirit
    Blobermouth
    A Boy and His DogBride of the Monster
    Chamber of Fear
    Day the Earth Froze
    The Day the Earth Stood Still
    Die Monster Die!
    Dinosaurus!
    The Fly
    Gas! Starz Play
    Godzilla Raids Again
    Godzilla vs. Mothra
    Godzilla: King of the Monsters
    Hercules
    Hercules
    Hercules the Avenger
    Hero of Rome
    I, Monster
    The Illustrated Man
    The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant
    Invasion of the Body Snatchers
    It! The Terror from Beyond Space
    Jason and the Argonauts
    King of the Rocket Men (12 episodes)
    The Last Man on Earth
    The Lost World
    Mad Max
    The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    The Making of Westworld
    Mole Men vs. the Son of Hercules
    The Monster That Challenged the World
    Octaman
    The Omega Man
    Plan 9 from Outer Space
    Planet of the Apes
    Queen of Blood
    Quintet
    The Raven
    Red Planet Mars
    Santa Claus
    Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
    She
    The Snow Creature
    Star Pilot
    Superbeast
    Them!
    The Thing with Two Heads
    THX
    Woman in the Moon
    Yongary, Monster from the Deep
    Zardoz

    Reply
    1. Ryan Henson Creighton

      Thanks, Phil. There’s a lot of junk in that list, but you can’t argue with Plan 9, Jason and the Argonauts, Planet of the Apes and The Fly (original, i’m assuming?) You CAN argue with Zardoz, until you see it … “yes please” to Sean Connery in red bikini underpants. And if you watch closely, you’ll notice that i’m the spitting image of the floating head from that movie.

      Zardoz

      Reply
  3. Cale

    The worst is when you watch an ad online just to be region locked from the actual content so there still making money off of you.

    Reply

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